Triathacutie

 

Here is my before and after

Hello fellow bloggers and people who have started their weight loss journey:

Here is some background. I had been big my entire life. At my heaviest I weighed in at a heavy 210 lbs. I am 5'9.5. My prom dress was a 14. Not until I was looking at old pictures from high school did I realize that I was HUGE. No one made fun of me but no one payed that much attention to me. I knew I was bigger then my friends, but that much??? My world was flipped when I saw that picture (not the one posted- i was about 10 lbs heavier then that but have no pics).

When I started swimming in college 3 years ago I lost about 45 lbs. That is when I found my love for exercising. I continued working out, playing soccer and embracing life. I started modeling and go-go dancing. I met my soul mate after a couple of failed relationships. Moved in with him and was so happy at my stable weight of 150 lbs. I really wanted to take modeling to the next level : runway. It was my dream to be a runway model - everyone wants to look like that but so few do. 

I went to my first casting call for a runway show, nervous in a size 5/6. I was doubtful that I would be picked to walk down the runway in The Celebrity Fashion Experience. I got cut that day and was a little disappointed. It must have been because I was too fat. The next day I got a call back and was asked to join their team! This was my second chance at my dream! I immediately started working out more and restricting my caloric intake to about 400 or less a day. I hated going out to eat with family and friends. What would they think when I ordered plain lettuce with no dressing and then picked at it all night. 

I avoided all food situations. On Christmas day I had to go with my fiance to his huge family dinner. His family is all overweight. about 100lbs overweight... They know how to eat. My show was on Dec. 30th so I couldn't eat. Not this close to the show! I was made fun of as soon as I walked in the door. I made my plate of broccoli and turkey and sat down at the huge table. People commented and picked fun at my healthy choices...I will never forget the Christmas I spent in the restroom crying. My size 2 skinny jeans were looking baggy on me, which lifted my spirits enough.

Every morning I would wake up and before I took my shower, look in the mirror to affirm myself that I was getting skinny. I saw my whole ribcage and breast bone and hip bones protruding from my tall frame. I was so happy to see them all! One night my fiance said he could see all of my spine and bones in my body and that he was very worried about me. I did'nt have energy to workout with him and on pizza nights together I would eat the pizza or whatever gross food was in front of me and then take 15 laxatives right after to rid my body of the poison. ( I had tried to throw up food before but it never worked) Laxatives were my way out. 

People and my patients were asking me if I was feeling okay, noticing my dramatic weight loss. I wore huge sweaters because I was always freezing and kept getting sick. I went to my doctor for a sinus infection and he told me that If i continue this pattern of life I will end up in the hospital. He told me the least I could weigh was 135. That was a huge number to me after I had worked so hard to get down to 120!!! 

Why did everyone want me to gain weight!?!? They were pushing me to gain so thats what ended up happening. Each month I feel like I have gained 10 lbs. It was very hard to stop counting every single calorie that went into my body. Very hard. I didn't like not being able to see my bones, and feeling heavier. I really did'nt want to end up in the hospital either.

Through praying and meditation I overcame my ED. I say overcame, but I feel that it will be with me my entire life. I will always be weight conscious, which is a good thing, but I must find a happy medium. I am now in a size 6/8 jeans at 150 lbs. I have maintained this weight for about 3 months consistently. I really hate seeing the number 150 and would love to lose 10 lbs. My body doesn't seem to want to let go of that 10 lbs. Even 145 would make me 'happy' - or so I think. I miss my favorite pair of jeans that are a size 4.

Why are we so obsessed with numbers?

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Thanks to my fiance, I have now come to embrace the nickname he gave me. TRIATHACUTIE. I made a vow to myself that I will complete a triathlon every year of my life. That will keep me motivated to stay fit always and not become an obese American. I am so afraid that one day I will wake up, like so many of my patients, and be fat. They let the years go by without paying attention to their weight and suddenly they are pushing 250 lbs! I will not let this happen to me.

That was the longest post that I will make ^_^